nighty night

moving forward... the previous post probably should have been written two months ago or so, but I wasn't in the frame of mind to make words.

I could have not posted about the ugly, but out of respect to all of us (everyone) who has suffered over the last 4 years, between leaving the states to leaving OZ, we have all shed many tears and those need some form of recognition.... It didn't seem right to have the story of footscray on here without it.

With that in mind... this blog is an american in footscray and alas that american is no longer in footscray... but the LBC :)

I have been feeling much better over the last few weeks as I have begun to dream of what life here might look like. I have been enjoying the bike and the beauty of the ocean. The bike has been a God send! The girls both have jobs they are enjoying and are adjusting to a new life. John is nearing the end of a vow and a sabbatical and is ready to run again. I'm enjoying the creative part of my brain being back in action... for some reason it was not functioning much in OZ. I'm seeing things differently, and enjoying it. Not to mention at least one ticket has been bought and an Ozzy is coming !! Can't wait for Nov Chris ! :)


So this is the end of an american in footscray... I'm putting her to sleep for now.... I'll probably start another one and put a link for it on here... I'm not going to delete it as I don't want to loose the content. Just let it lie dormant (not much different than before :)

good night my few little readers ;)

from the other side of the pacific

Love,
Raquel

facebook lies

Keeping it real... (dare I?)

As I write those words I know that no one really wants to. Who wants to know the ugly knitty gritty? but we do have a responsibility to report the truth, at least to honor those who have gone before us, and those who are packing their bags going today...

I was talking with a good friend of mine about the perseption that things like facebook gives ... I was on the verge of deleting my face book (probably will if I ever get 100 friends.... ha friends)


here's a quote from my friend during that conversation that has inspired me today;


"Its quite difficult to "see" how your move back to the states has effected you negetively. "

"in my mind it was like some wonderful homecoming to all your friends for you all or something...."



I knew from the moment that we chose to move to Oz that we were screwed. I knew that we were making a choice that would include lots of pain. That from now on part of me would be in two places.

I knew when we had chosen to move back to the states, again there would be a lot of pain. The people closest to us are very aware of this reality. We all choose pain together. The people who made the choice to get close to us knowing that someday we would go back are champions in my book.

It's all quite risky business... not everyone was up for it. In making that choice you choose pain, but you also choose to live in the moment and man, it's so worth it....

once the pain subsides....

but let me tell you the pain does not subside quickly or at the sight of someone you spent 4 years missing.

The pictures are stuck in your head of the faces of your loved ones at the airport... not to mention the faces of the girl's friends sobbing and reaching out.... can't write about that yet.... ouch!

When you get "home" you love seeing your friends and family... and it fills you with great love....


then the reality that you can't "go back" and I'm not talking about going back to OZ, hits you in the face like a ton of bricks. Life has gone on quite nicely without you, and you wouldn't have it any other way... but now what do you do?

The busyness of the American lifestyle shouts out to you that your close friends don't have much time for you, and you try to just breath and start all over... again....

holding your flailing family together as they suffer loss and reentry.

And yes... life goes on in oz and the voices of your close friends fade as the emails don't come and the phone doesn't ring...

so today we say a prayer for those missionaries who have gone before us and who are packing their bags and leaving today. Saying goodbye to friends and family heading out to the unknown. Drawn only by a conviction that brings great scrutiny... God speed fellow followers.... God speed

beauty

sometimes when you least expect it something amazing appears... my own little northern lights in my living room on a Sunday afternoon above the dvd player... I'm so glad I looked up from the TV!






here's one more

being positive

Today I'm being thankful for the little things;


dishwasher

nice gas stove

all the new appliances (that came with the apartment)

a toilet door that closes properly and lacks the smell of dead things under the sink

the lack of mice, rats, maggots, moths, huntsmans, assorted other spiders, other creatures of the night (at least for now)

the sea breeze

a beautiful blue sky today

cheyenne's new job has made her happy

nice neighbors

trader joes

walking

eucalyptus trees everywhere

the smell of spring

small birds

better shows on tv

I finally got skype AND headphones

music!

art

good health

healthy kids

and lots more

feel free to add what little things you are thankful for....





some days it takes me a long time to think of one thing.... those days, all the more, I have to be thankful

one for the artists

ok, so you know how I'm not too bright? I just stumbled unto the "watts towers"... growing up in southern California everyone has heard of the "watts towers"... I just always thought that they were a building like the projects... where there were riots and stuff... OK, so it's not a building, it's a piece of art. Are you familiar with it? here's a link I found that inspired me and made me think of a good friend, especially the "bone yard"... miss you josh!






http://cabinet-of-wonders.blogspot.com/2007/12/places-we-make-for-ourselves.html



http://www.trywatts.com/tower_tour/

back

me and writing don't mix well. The part of my brain that over thinks everything shuts down the part of my brain that has thoughts... I feel like I have to write even if nothing interesting or worth writing comes out. So here I go whether I like it or not.


Leaving pretty much sucked...


Upon arriving in the states I wax and wane between feeling like I'm on holiday and like the last 4 years were all a dream. So I guess you could say it's all pretty surreal.


Everything looks a little bit different. Which makes sense considering I'm standing left of center now. your vantage point changes everything.

from a lepers point of view (maybe)

an exercise in imagination:


from a lepers point of view (maybe);


who do I say I am? unclean... well that is until this man one day. I warned him of my state... I warned him to stay away... my bell rang out to warn if he came too close he would get dirty. Until that day I was a leper.

As long as I can remember I've been this way. So dirty, so ashamed... no one will touch me. only children will look at me before they learn it's impolite.

for years I tried to hide my shame, but there's no way to hide it now... I wear my shame on my face. so now I ring my bell with pride... that's right, I'm a leper, that's just who I am. you better stay away...

well until that day with that man who didn't listen to me. Was he deaf? Did he have a death wish? didn't he know that I would make him unclean?

A touch that I will never forget and can't explain...


but you see the problem since then isn't the leprosy. It's gone.... but honestly there are days I still feel so unclean. You see it's who I was. Who I am? I knew my place in this world...

Now who am I? I'm clean? but what does that mean? some days I ring the bell for comfort. silly I know. some days ... most days, I sit outside the city gates. I feel more comfortable there. I struggle to not pull back when children reach out to touch me. then I remember...


Every time I look down at my hand and see the clean skin I hear his voice in my head "you are no longer unclean"

some days I believe it... some days I don't.